what the freak…
Dec. 28th, 2025 10:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
americasuiteheartsomg chat i think she’s flirting with me. like, not even joking flirting. she called me cute. she thinks im pretty. im freaking out.
(no subject)
Dec. 26th, 2025 08:47 amdoveturneddestroyeri know that i love you because i always want you here. there's never a time when i wish we would be apart. i've never felt quite that way about anybody before
idk happy holidays
Dec. 25th, 2025 06:46 pmbehindtheseahappy holidays. my dad promised he'd be here for christmas. he's at the casino. can't say I didn't expect it. don't pity me. it's whatever. got a guitar, a piano, and money for christmas. money does buy happiness, regardless of what anyone says or does. I know we're not rich, but it's nice to pretend around the holidays. go all out, you know? anyway yeah, keeping it short & sweet. probably gonna go find a decent youtube tutorial because I'd actually love to know how to play more instruments. I already play violin pretty well, some cello, hopefully the switch isn't too hard. yeah, that's all. lmk any good tutorials if you have any. =)
A dream
Dec. 25th, 2025 05:26 pmbuiltgodnowwhatI wanna look like the midst of midnight, beautiful and burning with stars. I’m longing to feel more than a simple thought in someone’s mind.
I wanna be full with light and life again, maybe finding my purpose. I no longer wanna be that rotting corpse, being eaten by the maggots.
Though my mind is full of diseases and uncured sickness, I don’t think the time of happiness will ever come.
Death hasn’t touched me, but to all I love I am dead.
I wanna be full with light and life again, maybe finding my purpose. I no longer wanna be that rotting corpse, being eaten by the maggots.
Though my mind is full of diseases and uncured sickness, I don’t think the time of happiness will ever come.
Death hasn’t touched me, but to all I love I am dead.
Deer in Headlights
Dec. 25th, 2025 05:24 pmbuiltgodnowwhatI hate myself for forgiving you, knowing you tried many ways to keep me quiet. You made me feel gross about my body and who I am as a person.
I’m filled with anger, and that’s something I lived with ever since. The void feeling being there for entirety.
You made me feel like I was insane, and that I was being fed lies about my own experience. You tried to harm me for trying to get help.
I haven’t gotten that help. I never got to heal properly. That stab wound is still openly bleeding, and I just want it to close.
I’ve never talked about this in a deeper level, because anytime I choke up and wanna burn every nerve in my body.
You never showed me love in any sort. You showed me what it meant to have resentment and misery.
For me I have to suffer with these things by living. You’ve made me want to say goodnight.
I’m filled with anger, and that’s something I lived with ever since. The void feeling being there for entirety.
You made me feel like I was insane, and that I was being fed lies about my own experience. You tried to harm me for trying to get help.
I haven’t gotten that help. I never got to heal properly. That stab wound is still openly bleeding, and I just want it to close.
I’ve never talked about this in a deeper level, because anytime I choke up and wanna burn every nerve in my body.
You never showed me love in any sort. You showed me what it meant to have resentment and misery.
For me I have to suffer with these things by living. You’ve made me want to say goodnight.
Fine Arts of Suicide Cleanup
Dec. 25th, 2025 05:20 pmbuiltgodnowwhatMy stomach is sick from just existing, only thing I can consume are my thoughts. Nothing is distracting my mind, as I’m still finding pain in myself. I’m tired but no amount of rest will work, as it’s not rest I need anymore. My mental health being a monster, haunting me and following my every move. It’s waiting for the right moment to consume me whole. It’s waiting for my most vulnerable moment and his plan is working, as each day I’m getting unfortunate with my health. Dismal being my best friend right now, as it seems I’m alone. “You’re not alone Raven I’m here!” As much as I want to believe it, if that were true I wouldn’t be fighting this monster by myself. Everyone has their own personal hell, filled with their own creatures. Some are fortunate to have someone who can help. For me, I have a curse that will forever cause me to feel alone. I don’t know what to feel. I fear the strawberry gashes are everywhere, for the spirit took control.
To destroy me, you would have to become me. I only know my deepest fears.
To destroy me, you would have to become me. I only know my deepest fears.
Short Story For Prolonged Feelings
Dec. 25th, 2025 05:11 pmbuiltgodnowwhatI cannot make you love me, but I can turn you into poetry.
I'm a yearning poet for you, and at the midst of night I hope the moon will send you, my message. The distance is just a myth to my head' because I know the truth will cut my throat.
I'm a yearning poet for you, and at the midst of night I hope the moon will send you, my message. The distance is just a myth to my head' because I know the truth will cut my throat.
Something
Dec. 25th, 2025 05:10 pmbuiltgodnowwhatCall me pretty, call me worthless, call me anything you want. Because in the end I want to be something.
I don't know what to feel at the moment, as my feelings are scattered puzzle pieces. Only so much emotion I can take at the moment until I burst. I feel anger for past memories, but vacant. I feel sad for current events but confused.
Am I something to or nothing?
I don't know what to feel at the moment, as my feelings are scattered puzzle pieces. Only so much emotion I can take at the moment until I burst. I feel anger for past memories, but vacant. I feel sad for current events but confused.
Am I something to or nothing?
Filthy Animals
Dec. 25th, 2025 11:05 pmheavvymoonMerry Christmas everyone, from me to you. I hope you guys are all finding it fun or whatever, wether it be alone with family or gifts or no gifts. Or if you don't celebrate, that's cool too. I like Christmas. Sort of. I like giving people presents and opening mine. And the food.
I don't like my family though. Most of them anyway. I'm sort of a nobody to them, because my dad refuses to go to any social event aside from ones he's peer pressured to, and my mom doesn't even speak English half the time, so sometimes it feels like they're taking it out on me instead and that this I am a reminder of their actions.
Honestly I haven't been posting much, life is going better than before. Sort of. We make do.
Love you all <3
Xo.
Ps. Almost deleted this draft on accident and cried. Thank chrome!
I don't like my family though. Most of them anyway. I'm sort of a nobody to them, because my dad refuses to go to any social event aside from ones he's peer pressured to, and my mom doesn't even speak English half the time, so sometimes it feels like they're taking it out on me instead and that this I am a reminder of their actions.
Honestly I haven't been posting much, life is going better than before. Sort of. We make do.
Love you all <3
Xo.
Ps. Almost deleted this draft on accident and cried. Thank chrome!
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dec. 25th, 2025 10:15 ambuiltgodnowwhatHALLOOOOO I finally got a laptop so posting here will be sosososo much easier!!!!
Life update since im here... Me and the girl arent really anything i suppose. Im just really confused on what to do because we hardly talk or see eachother anymore. I talked to my friends about how im feeling, and they said im giving my all. If yall could help me that would be GREAT
Life update since im here... Me and the girl arent really anything i suppose. Im just really confused on what to do because we hardly talk or see eachother anymore. I talked to my friends about how im feeling, and they said im giving my all. If yall could help me that would be GREAT
wow its depressing in here
Dec. 25th, 2025 01:11 ambitchinsandy happy holidays to all, things have been shitty lately but we keep on trucking. will update soon
(no subject)
Dec. 24th, 2025 09:47 pmbehindtheseaI really hate the holidays because they remind me of how much my life fucking sucks. to the point where I can't even run from it. I hope I die before next christmas.
I am so deeply envious of those people with cookie cutter families where they wake up early on the holidays to have breakfast together, then open presents, then go to their grandparent's home to celebrate again. we don't have a dining room, or living room for that matter, it's a joint room used as storage. I can't blame my dad. he's hardly home, so I guess we have no need for either of them. I just wish he didn't have kids if this is how he wants to live. living with my mother is far worse of an option though. not willing to get into that.
happy holidays to those who celebrate <3
I am so deeply envious of those people with cookie cutter families where they wake up early on the holidays to have breakfast together, then open presents, then go to their grandparent's home to celebrate again. we don't have a dining room, or living room for that matter, it's a joint room used as storage. I can't blame my dad. he's hardly home, so I guess we have no need for either of them. I just wish he didn't have kids if this is how he wants to live. living with my mother is far worse of an option though. not willing to get into that.
happy holidays to those who celebrate <3
christmas eve
Dec. 24th, 2025 09:51 pmshootuptill5ami got cut at work so i’m on a train to my parents’ place right now. its the first year i have to travel on christmas eve to see them. it brings on a weird feeling.. maybe it’s that i’ve really grown up.
i hope it snows tonight. i’ve always loved a white xmas. i’m excited to celebrate tomorrow too.
merry christmas everyone. :)
i hope it snows tonight. i’ve always loved a white xmas. i’m excited to celebrate tomorrow too.
merry christmas everyone. :)
(no subject)
Dec. 23rd, 2025 09:52 pmnostalgicfordisasterlove and hate are the same thing anymore
and i cannot stop bleeding
the spiteful lines i spew will be scribbled inside of me
it is all okay
as long as it isnt permanent
and i cannot stop bleeding
the spiteful lines i spew will be scribbled inside of me
it is all okay
as long as it isnt permanent
Wake Me Up
Dec. 23rd, 2025 09:18 pmamericasuiteheartsCalling you from a stranger’s phone,
But you don’t answer no name calls
Being born anonymous was my only downfall
But it doesn’t make a difference;
Screaming and whispering sound the same
Counting the hours till morning to fall asleep
Please God,
Just wake me up already
Boredom means we have the capacity to feel alive
Though right now I’m only an animated corpse
Under bleak hospital lights,
Maybe I’ll be pretty enough to stand looking at
But you don’t answer no name calls
Being born anonymous was my only downfall
But it doesn’t make a difference;
Screaming and whispering sound the same
Counting the hours till morning to fall asleep
Please God,
Just wake me up already
Boredom means we have the capacity to feel alive
Though right now I’m only an animated corpse
Under bleak hospital lights,
Maybe I’ll be pretty enough to stand looking at
