me vs your friends
Dec. 15th, 2025 03:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
butyourewrongwhy do i have to feel so strongly all the time? i wish not everything someone says or tells me feels like they just dropped an anvil on me.
i don’t want to go anywhere tomorrow. because i know i’ll have that permanent kicked dog expression on my face, and i’ll have to hold back tears every time one of my friends asks “what’s wrong?” i pray they don’t notice how much i blink, or how my nose scrunches from the sting, or how i can’t look them in the eye like usual. maybe they’ll notice how puffy my eyes are once they really look. i hope they don’t. they’ll all know i’ve been crying over a boy they all think is ugly.
i don’t want them to see and point him out. i don’t want to tell them why i won’t look, or why i “don’t care”, or why i got so quiet. it just sucks it played out like this, but what did i expect? my (sort of) friend said i lost my chance, and that i should talk to my next crush. we talked, sometimes. and what chance did i have? why would he like me? the emo geek with a strange knack for knowing too much about decaydance.
there was a guy who tolerated me, but i ruined that. he hates my guts now, i think. if i were him i would hate me. i played with his feelings, and i shouldn’t have, but i didn’t mean to. maybe this is karma. maybe he put a curse on me. whenever i hear midwest emo it still reminds me of him. i know annoying orange reminds him of me. does it disgust him? to see things that remind him of me? i still tolerate midwest emo, i don’t hate it because he likes it. but i also don’t hate him, so it’s probably different.i wish i could tell him sorry sometimes, but i don’t even think he wants to hear anything from me.
and i hate his friends.
xoxo
i don’t want to go anywhere tomorrow. because i know i’ll have that permanent kicked dog expression on my face, and i’ll have to hold back tears every time one of my friends asks “what’s wrong?” i pray they don’t notice how much i blink, or how my nose scrunches from the sting, or how i can’t look them in the eye like usual. maybe they’ll notice how puffy my eyes are once they really look. i hope they don’t. they’ll all know i’ve been crying over a boy they all think is ugly.
i don’t want them to see and point him out. i don’t want to tell them why i won’t look, or why i “don’t care”, or why i got so quiet. it just sucks it played out like this, but what did i expect? my (sort of) friend said i lost my chance, and that i should talk to my next crush. we talked, sometimes. and what chance did i have? why would he like me? the emo geek with a strange knack for knowing too much about decaydance.
there was a guy who tolerated me, but i ruined that. he hates my guts now, i think. if i were him i would hate me. i played with his feelings, and i shouldn’t have, but i didn’t mean to. maybe this is karma. maybe he put a curse on me. whenever i hear midwest emo it still reminds me of him. i know annoying orange reminds him of me. does it disgust him? to see things that remind him of me? i still tolerate midwest emo, i don’t hate it because he likes it. but i also don’t hate him, so it’s probably different.i wish i could tell him sorry sometimes, but i don’t even think he wants to hear anything from me.
and i hate his friends.
xoxo
